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Day 1, 10:00a.m
Today I will start my long 83hours 25mins journey to solve the main world crisises. I will be riding passenger flights as it will decrease my carbon footprint. I am hoping that each stay would be at least 4h long apart from Paris. I will chart the time as it is in America so that it will not confuse me. On every flight I will sleep to gain my energy. This is my, hopefully successful, route through the world (flight times):
· Washington-Brasilia:9hours(doesn’t count), Brazilian rain forests, Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva
· Brasilia-cairo:21hours25min, homeless, poor, ill people of Africa, Hosni Mubarak
· Cairo-Tokyo:14hours50min, whaling, Akihito
· Tokyo-Jakarta:8hours, unattended people of Indonesia, Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono
· Jakarta-Paris:17hours50min, this is just a pit stop
· Paris-London:1hour20min, carbon footprint, Queen Elizabeth 2
I took a flight from Washington to Brasilia at 10:00am and flew for 9hours. My flight there was mostly a relaxing sleep and a last minute practice at my speech. Once I arrived at Brasilia, 7:00pm American time, I was greeted by the president of Brazil, Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, in a black Rolls Royce. I thanked him for his kindness and advised him for us to start. He agreed with little suspicion and listened carefully to my offerings. We started once inside the presidential building where he lived, and this is exactly what I said down to the last letter:
“Firstly, I would like to thank you for listening letting me visit and will start. Now I’m sure you realise what is happening to the Brazilian rainforests and so I will advice you to at least consider a ban for bulldozers and anything which may cause a stop to the rainforests here. In addition to this I will announce a stop in supplying nuclear weapons and aircraft parts to your country if you do not agree with me, but I will give your people good supplies if you ban cutting down the Brazilian rainforests.”
He disagreed with my terms with this unexpected reply:
“I am sorry President Bara but our country has a fine management and we do not need your advice. We have fixed the current problem which you have acknowledged and will disagree. Now leave our country and let us deal with our situations for we are a great country and although we respect others we are capable of saying no.”
The vice-president, Jose Alencar Gomes da Silva, added to this:
“Excuse me Luiz, but you are forgetting President Bara’s consequence was a stop to our supplies of nuclear weapons and aircraft parts. I, personally, would accept his help with gratitude and place the ban.”
“But this is the time to show our independence and power, and proudly neglect the offer. We also are not in war with any country or countries and so do not require any nuclear weapons.”
“I respect your independent country as a fellow president and as a human being, but I must remind you of the importance of your rainforests and that I have millions of armies under my control and can declare war at any single time. The forests here are a massive help to stop pollution and are homes to many species of wildlife, so this deserves as much respect as Brazil and can not just be chopped down and used as burning wood!”
“I’m afraid I have to agree with him, we can not just let millions of wildlife get killed or injured!”
“Alas, my vice and you are simply correct and so I admit defeat and will take your offer with gratitude and will respect the many citizens of Brazil whether they are animals or humans.”
Our debate lasted 3h 15min and I am now boarding the next flight to Cairo.
Day 2, 11:25am
As I left the plane I saw about a dozen black jeeps and on one of them was President Hosni Mubarak wearing a pair of sunglasses. He greeted me with respect and I greeted him back. We drove for 45minutes and then stopped for a traditional lunch where we discussed the problem.
“I will make a long speech short, I will go to the capital of each country which is surrounding Egypt and tell each president what I will tell you: Supply your poor citizens with as much as they need and then spread my word to other countries in Africa in doing so you will have support and help from America.”
“Very well, but how do you suppose we get the money?”
“As I said you will have support and help from America; we will buy gems that has been mined here and anywhere in Africa and the money you get must at least half go to the poor.”
“And will you side with us if we were in any war with another country?”
“We will try to help as much as possible but we will not be on your side every time as we have other countries as allies.”
“I accept that and will lend you half-a-dozen jeeps armed with my best men to succeed in your journey to Khartoum, N’djamena and Tripoli.”
“I thank you president for your kindness and would like to begin.”
So I begin my short 3h journey through Khartoum, N’djamena and Tripoli. I began at Khartoum to meet Omar Hasan Ahmad al-Bashir. He greeted me with an unexpected suspicion but I managed to make him listen and I told him exactly what I said to President Mubarak. This went perfectly well and so I headed off to N’djamena to visit Idriss Deby who was incredibly accepting. Finally I visited Tripoli and Baghdadi Mahmudi and so now I’ve got Sudan’s, Chad’s and Libya’s acceptance I head off for Tokyo.
6:15pm
I arrived with much relaxation and told my speech calmly and efficiently.
Although my speech seemed luring Emperor Akihito neglected my offer which was this:
“Firstly I like to thank you for your kindness and a great breakfast. Obviously you already know of the whaling that has been happening in Japan, but I’m not sure whether you know how dangerous whaling is to the wildlife. It causes a break in food chains, it baits whales into extinction. So I ask you as a friend and as a president to stop the constant whaling.”
“President Bara, I have dealt with this and we have declared that our people need the whales for both their meat and their skins. We will not stop whaling under any circumstances!”
“I think you are forgetting the USA’s power over countries in the U.N and we can declare war upon you with many great allies, so my advice is to choose wisely.”
“Are you saying I am stupid? Mr. Bara our country is possibly the worlds finest electrical supplier and can do what we please!”
“Oh come on Akihito, whales are dying, you’re almost declaring war you should be ashamed! What has whales done to your country? Nothing. So I suggest you ban whaling altogether and I will do as you ask.”
“Fine, I agree on one condition: you supply us with monk fish to replace the whales and pay if you want us to supply anymore electrical supplies.”
“I accept, but if you begin whaling once more, well you’ve been warned.”
Well that went smoothly, I only had to bribe him. Next on the list is the capital of the most Muslim-populated country of Indonesia, Jakarta.
Day 3, 2:15am
Now in Soekarno-Hatta, an airport in sunny Jakarta, I was greeted with a plate of fried rice or as they knew it, ‘Nasi Goreng’, given by Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono’s secretary. His translator, not that he could not speak english, was younger than any I’ve seen because she was possibly 19-20years old. We drove in a black Toyota something to a great little restaurant called ‘The Peak’ which, as the name suggests, lay on a small peak. We ate one of the best meals of food I have ever ate. As the dessert came in we discussed about the matter of how little attention poor citizens are getting eventhough the goverment has promised supplies.
“I would like to say just how great food in your country is. Having many poor friends here, they wrote to me once saying though you and the goverment has promise a great deal to the citizens they are not getting any help or attention. I don’t know whether you already knew about this or not, so if you do I will not mention their names. And from this you’ll probbably know what my favour will be.”
“President Susilo says he has given the citizens enough supplies and thinks you are lying and that you are offending him. He says you must leave and tell your friends that they are wrong and will be found out about by this country’s goverment.”
“I have two reasons why you should reconsider your decision. A) The U.S.A has great power and can do many things such as announce war with other countries and Veto. B) If you allow me to show you a place I know in Jakarta where there are a lot of refuges living near the river. I wonder if you’ve been there, it’s really crowded and you Indonesians call it ‘Telukgong’.”
“I’ve driven passed it many times with the president but he never pays attention.”
“How dare you, I have always payed attention to the many citizens and they all look happy!”
“Then, Mr. Susilo why have you never noticed the horrible state they are in and how they are getting moved to a worse place in order to built some buildings there? Although they refuse your goverment keeps trying to move them with force.”
“Fine! I admit my ignorance and arrogance and will agree if you agree not to declare war on us.”
“Very good choice, I will now leave you in peace and I will get reports of your state in a month’s time.”
A great president with a lack of kindness results in war and havoc. As I flew on the next plane to Paris I could not see much as there was a thick calm mist around the ground.
8:05pm
Changed flights to London.
9:25pm
I arrived at London Heathrow airport where security was at half-full. I was picked up by a black limo droven and armed by MI6, the british version of CIA. They told me the Queen was expecting me in Buckingham Palace and her servants has prepared us a tradittional full english breakfast. It consisted of bacon, baked beans, cheese on toast and egg. As we arrived I saw Queen Elizabeth II and her Corgi’s standing under the sunny sky infront of the Palace. We entered and walked to the main hall where we sat on a well-polished teak chair.
“One would like to say how much pleasure One gets with One’s friend.”
“Why thank you Your Majesty. It is a pleasure to see you again. I would like to start now if you do not mind.”
“Certainly, One is very interested in what One’s friend says.”
“I am sure that you, as a Queen, know about global warming and trying to reduce it, so I will make a long speech short. I will give this country a founding of £1,000,000,000 if you will replace every 4x4 with an electrical car or an estate which ever they decide with as much comfort and if it is cheaper than the 4x4 then give them however much cheaper it is.”
“One thinks although this is a marvellous idea One has a problem. What will One do to the 4x4cars and where will One get the estate and electric cars from?”
“Simply recycle the 4x4s into much more needed items such as aircraft parts or weapons.”
“But will the citizens agree?”
“Some might some might think it is a load of...”
“Mr. Bara!”
“I’m sorry your Majesty I was going to say junk.”
“Very well.”
This one might not succeed very well but I am hoping that they will one day accept the facts and become more echo-friendly. Well the last 3days have been amazing, I am now heading back to Washington D.C and am pleased with my work.
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